Trapped In Conflict? Proven Online Couples Therapy To Improve Your Connection
Integrative and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) — UK & Online
When the same arguments keep repeating, and conversations spiral into conflict, it can leave you feeling exhausted, disconnected, and worried about your relationship’s future. Many couples reach out saying, ‘We keep hurting each other, and we don’t know how to stop.’
If you’re seeking couples therapy for communication problems, relationship counselling for recurring arguments, or help breaking negative patterns in your relationship, you’ve come to the right place.
Online couples therapy can help you understand what is really happening beneath the arguments and support you to change the pattern that keeps pulling you back into conflict.
Does This Sound Like Your Relationship?
You may recognise yourself in these common relationship patterns:
The same arguments repeat - it feels like you’re stuck in a loop
One partner pursues while the other withdraws - one wants to talk things through immediately, while the other shuts down, goes quiet, or needs space
Conversations escalate quickly - into anger, blame, defensiveness, or painful silence
You feel misunderstood or criticised - even when you’re trying to connect
Emotional distance is growing - despite still caring deeply about each other
You’re worried your relationship is failing - though you both want it to work
These patterns are incredibly common, and they don’t mean your relationship is broken or beyond repair.
The Real Issue Isn’t Communication Skills - It’s Your Conflict Cycle
Most couples aren’t actually bad at communicating. What appears to be poor communication is often a signal that something deeper and more vulnerable is being triggered beneath the surface.
In intimate relationships, conflict often emerges when emotional safety or connection feels threatened. When one or both partners sense danger to the relationship bond, you instinctively move into protective modes: pursuing, withdrawing, defending, or shutting down emotionally.
Over time, these protective reactions solidify into a negative interaction cycle - a pattern neither of you consciously chooses, but both feel trapped inside.
Research has shown that four specific negative communication behaviours - criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling - are highly predictive of relationship dissolution, with contempt being the strongest predictor of divorce.
Why Traditional Communication Advice Often Fails
Surface-level communication techniques (‘use I-statements’ or ‘don’t interrupt’ or ‘take a time-out’) can feel helpful initially, but they rarely hold up under real emotional pressure. That’s because they don’t address the underlying attachment needs and fears driving the conflict.
In couples therapy, we focus on understanding and transforming the cycle itself - not assigning blame or teaching tactics that fail when emotions run high.
How Online Couples Therapy Works
I offer an integrative approach to couples therapy that brings together Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), humanistic, and psychodynamic approaches. This combination provides both emotional depth and an evidence-based structure.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT): An Evidence-Based Approach for Relationship Issues
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is one of the most researched and effective approaches to couples therapy. It’s grounded in attachment theory and relational dynamics - the understanding that humans are wired for emotional connection and seek safety, reassurance, and closeness from their partners, especially during stress.
EFCT meets or exceeds guidelines for classification as an evidence-based couple therapy, with consistent research showing clinically significant improvements in relationship satisfaction and reduced distress.
Humanistic and Person-Centred Foundation
I meet both partners with deep respect, empathy, and unconditional positive regard. Your experiences, feelings, and perspectives matter. Therapy isn’t about determining who’s right or wrong - it’s a collaborative journey where both people’s internal worlds are honoured and explored.
Psychodynamic Insight
We also gently explore how past relational experiences - from childhood, previous relationships, or family patterns - shape your present reactions. Understanding these roots helps make sense of intense emotions, shame spirals, and automatic defences, supporting sustainable change rather than temporary behavioural adjustments. We’ll explore attachment patterns and dynamics within your relationship to create a secure foundation for you and your partner.
In our work together, we will:
Identify and slow down your negative cycle -Map out exactly what happens between you during conflict - the triggers, emotions, and protective moves that keep you stuck
Understand the emotions beneath anger and withdrawal - Explore the vulnerable feelings (fear, hurt, loneliness, shame) that drive defensive reactions
Create new, safer ways to express needs - Learn to communicate your deepest needs and vulnerabilities without triggering each other’s defences
Rebuild emotional responsiveness - Strengthen your ability to be there for each other in moments that matter
Restore trust and intimacy - Experience new patterns of connection that replace old wounds
What Couples Experience Through This Process
While every relationship is unique, couples who commit to this therapeutic process often report:
Arguments that slow down and feel more manageable - Conflicts change from distressing experiences into opportunities for repair and connection
Greater emotional clarity - Understanding what’s really happening inside each of you during challenging moments
Feeling genuinely heard and understood - Both partners experience being seen and valued
Less reactivity and fewer destructive escalations - Reduced shouting, stonewalling, or shutting down
Deeper emotional connection and intimacy - A renewed sense of safety, closeness, partnership, and teamwork
Hope for the future: Belief that your relationship can truly change and flourish
This is not a quick fix. Meaningful, lasting transformation typically unfolds gradually as new emotional experiences replace entrenched patterns. Most couples need 3 to 6 months of consistent weekly sessions to experience significant change.
Looking for a more focused approach to stabilise your relationship? I also offer 2-day couples therapy intensives.
Is Now the Right Time for Couples Therapy?
This approach works best for couples who:
Are open to exploring feelings and vulnerabilities, not just behaviours or surface-level fixes
Want to move beyond blame and truly understand what’s happening between you
Both partners are willing to participate actively in the process
Understand that lasting change requires consistency and emotional engagement
When Couples Therapy May Not Be Right
While therapy helps many couples, it’s important to note that some situations require different approaches.
Couples therapy is not appropriate if there’s active domestic violence or abuse. Safety and respect must be present. Any untreated substance use disorders or mental health conditions will need to be addressed alongside or before couples work.
Additionally, if an affair is ongoing, individual therapy may be more helpful to explore your needs and behaviours. Couples therapy would not be the right approach if one partner has already decided to leave the relationship. Other forms of counselling would be more beneficial.
About Your Couples Therapist
I’m Francesca, a qualified therapist and counsellor with specialist training in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT). I work with couples experiencing communication breakdowns, emotional disconnection, recurring conflict patterns, and attachment injuries.
My approach is calm, attuned, and structured. I aim to create a space where difficult emotions can be explored safely and where both partners feel supported to understand themselves - and each other - more deeply.
Common Questions About Couples Therapy
How long does couples therapy take?
Many couples benefit from 3 to 6 months of weekly sessions to achieve meaningful change, though some continue for longer to achieve deeper work. If you are looking for a more focused approach to stabilise your relationship, I also offer 2-day couples intensives.
What if my partner is reluctant to attend?
It’s common for one partner to be more hesitant initially. For couples therapy to be effective, both partners must commit to participating in the process and attending sessions.
Is our relationship too damaged for therapy to help?
If you both still care about each other and are willing to try, there is hope. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy has been proven to help couples recover from betrayal, disconnection, and years of painful patterns.
What happens in the first session?
We’ll explore your relationship history, current challenges, and what you’re each hoping for. I’ll begin to identify your conflict cycle and help both of you feel heard and understood from the start.
What are your fees?
My fees can be viewed here.
Online Couples Therapy To Overcome Conflict and Improve Communication
Book your consultation
If you and your partner are ready to step out of painful conflict cycles and begin rebuilding emotional connection, safety, and intimacy, book a time for us to speak. The 20-minute consultation with each partner allows us to:
Explore what’s happening in your relationship right now
Understand your goals and concerns
Assess whether my approach feels right for you
Discuss how we might work together moving forward
You don’t have to keep having the same painful arguments. Change is possible.
References
Bretherton, I. (1992) ‘The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth’, Developmental Psychology, 28(5), pp. 759-775. doi: https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.28.5.759
Gottman, J.M. (1994) What predicts divorce?: The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. doi: https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315806808
Hazan, C. and Shaver, P. (1987) ‘Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process’, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), pp. 511-524. doi: https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511
Johnson, S.M., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L. and Schindler, D. (1999) ‘Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: Status and challenges’, Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6(1), pp. 67-79. doi: https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.6.1.67
Spengler, P.M., Lee, N.A. and Wittenborn, A.K. (2024) ‘A comprehensive meta-analysis on the efficacy of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy’, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 50(1), pp. 6-29. doi: https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12654
Wiebe, S.A. and Johnson, S.M. (2016) ‘A review of the research in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples’, Family Process, 55(3), pp. 390-407. doi: https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12229