Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: Your Path to Secure Connection
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) provides an attachment-based framework for understanding and restructuring emotional responses and relational patterns.
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What Is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy?
Often, relationship conflicts are about deeper needs for closeness, reassurance, or safety that aren’t being met. In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, we look beneath arguments and issues to understand what’s happening in your relationship dynamics.
Are you stuck in the same arguments with your partner over and over? Do you sometimes look at them and wonder if you’ll ever truly understand each other? The disconnection you feel right now doesn’t have to be permanent.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) recognises that beneath disagreements about sex, finances, or time spent together is a deeper question: Are you there for me? When we feel the answer might be no, we might react in predictable ways. One partner might withdraw to protect themselves, while the other pursues more forcefully, desperately seeking connection. These patterns make sense once we understand them, even when they’re causing pain.
The goal of Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples is to help you and your partner recognise these patterns, understand the emotions and attachment needs driving them, and create new ways of reaching for each other. Rather than just managing conflict better, this approach to therapy helps couples rebuild emotional connection from the ground up, so you can feel secure, seen, and valued in your relationship again.
Is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Right for You?
EFT for Couples may be a good fit if:
You find yourselves having the same argument on repeat, never reaching a resolution
That feeling of ‘us against the world’ has transformed into feeling alone, even when you’re together
Trust has been broken through infidelity or other betrayals, and you’re struggling to find your way back
Intimacy feels forced or has disappeared altogether
Attempts at communication turn into moments of intense emotion, such as jealousy or frustration
You are noticing attachment-based struggles, such as pursue–withdraw or anxious–avoidant dynamics
Past experiences and attachment injuries are affecting how you connect today
Many couples wait too long before seeking help. The truth is, couples who thrive don’t avoid problems. They learn how to move through them together.
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Why EFT for Couples Works
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is one of the most researched and effective forms of couples therapy available.
This depth-oriented, evidence-based approach addresses the root causes of relationship distress rather than just managing symptoms. EFCT has been shown to help couples break free from negative patterns, rebuild trust, and rediscover the intimacy that may have faded over time.
Studies show that 70-75% of couples shift from distress to emotional security, and about 90% experience significant improvement in their relationship. Years after therapy ends, couples who complete EFCT continue to report stronger bonds and greater satisfaction.
How Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Transforms Relationships
Developed by Dr Sue Johnson in the 1980s and further refined since, EFCT is an attachment-based integrative model that draws from psychodynamic, person-centred, and systemic theories.
The EFCT process provides a roadmap for couples who have lost their way. Through a therapeutic process, couples can move from disconnection to a place where they can truly see and be there for each other. Partners can create deeper emotional and physical intimacy.
EFT for Couples happens in three stages:
Stage 1: Understanding Your Cycle
‘We never talk anymore.’
‘Because every time I try, you criticise me!’
‘I only criticise because you're so distant!’
In our first sessions, we’ll identify your particular dance of disconnection. You may begin to recognise moments when your attempts to protect yourself perpetuate the very pain you’re trying to avoid.
Stage 2: Creating New Patterns of Connection
This is where deeper change begins to happen. Instead of ‘You never help around the house,’ you'll learn to express the vulnerability beneath: ‘I feel so overwhelmed and alone with everything.’ The relationship transforms when partners can share these deeper feelings and respond with compassion rather than defensiveness. The questions shift from ‘Who’s right?’ to ‘How can we support each other?’
Stage 3: Strengthening Your Bond for Life’s Challenges
Once you’ve explored this new way of connecting, we’ll take time to integrate what you’ve experienced in therapy, so these changes stick. You’ll develop strategies to maintain your emotional connection even when life gets complicated. The transformation will result from committed work in a proven process.
‘The most functional way to regulate difficult emotions in love relationships is to share them.’
— Dr. Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight: Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships
Image by Kelly Sikkema
About Your EFT Couples Therapist
I’m Francesca, a qualified couples therapist and counsellor with specialist training in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT). I offer Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples online. I also offer in-person 2-day couples therapy intensives that provide a focused space for exploration and change.
Why Choose Online EFT Couples Therapy?
Use an evidence-based approach proven to help couples reconnect
Participate in secure, confidential virtual sessions
I specialise in helping couples struggling with:
Emotional intimacy and attachment-based disconnection
Infidelity, betrayal, and attachment injuries
Intense relational emotions such as anger, jealousy, fear, loneliness, or shutdown
Recurring conflict and communication breakdowns
Book your consultation
If you’re interested in Emotionally Focused Therapy as part of depth-oriented couples therapy, initial consultations are 20 minutes per partner and explore whether couples therapy is appropriate for your situation.
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References
Johnson, S. (2011). Hold Me Tight: Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships. Hachette UK.
Johnson, S. (2008) ‘Emotionally focused therapy for couples’, in A. Gurman (ed.) Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy. New York: Guilford Publications, pp. 107-137.
Johnson, S. M., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L., & Schindler, D. (1999). Emotionally focused couples therapy: Status and challenges. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6(1), 67–79. https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.6.1.67
Wiebe, S.A. and Johnson, S.M. (2016). A Review of the Research in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. Family Process, 55(3), pp.390–407. doi:https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12229