Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: Your Path to Secure Connection
Are you stuck in the same arguments with your partner over and over? Do you sometimes look at them and wonder if you’ll ever truly understand each other? The disconnection you feel right now doesn’t have to be permanent—there is a clear, research-backed path forward.
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What Is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy?
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) has helped thousands of couples move from conflict to connection. This form of therapy draws on attachment theory, humanistic therapy, and systemic therapy to address the root causes of relationship distress—not just the symptoms. This powerful approach can help you break free from negative patterns, rebuild trust, and create the secure, loving bond you’ve been missing.
The process of EFCT provides a roadmap for couples who have lost their way. Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s, this evidence-based approach helps couples rebuild their emotional bond, transform conflicts, and rediscover intimacy that may have faded over time.
At its heart, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy recognises something profound: beneath our arguments about sex, finances, or parenting lies a deeper question: ‘Are you there for me?’ When we feel the answer might be ‘no’, we react – sometimes with anger, sometimes by shutting down.
EFCT is one of the most researched and effective forms of couples therapy available today. Studies show that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery, and about 90% experience significant improvement in their relationship. Even more impressive, these changes last. Years after therapy ends, couples who complete EFCT continue to report stronger bonds and greater satisfaction.
Is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Right for You and Your Partner?
You might consider EFCT if:
You find yourselves having the same fight on repeat, never reaching a resolution
That feeling of ‘us against the world’ has transformed into feeling alone, even when you’re together
Trust has been broken through infidelity or other betrayals, and you're struggling to find your way back
Intimacy feels forced or has disappeared altogether
Life transitions (parenthood, career changes, health challenges) have created distance between you
Past traumas are affecting how you connect today
Many couples tell me they waited too long before seeking help. The truth is, couples who thrive don’t avoid problems—they learn how to move through them together.
‘The most functional way to regulate difficult emotions in love relationships is to share them.’
— Dr. Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight: Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships
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How Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Transforms Relationships
Through a supported process, couples can move from disconnection to a place where they can truly see and be there for each other. Partners have the opportunity to create deeper emotional and physical intimacy.
The journey through EFCT happens in three stages:
Breaking Free from the Cycle
‘We never talk anymore.’
‘Because every time I try, you criticise me!’
‘I only criticise because you're so distant!’Sound familiar? In our first sessions, we’ll identify your particular dance of disconnection. You’ll have those aha moments of seeing how your attempts to protect yourself perpetuate the very pain you’re trying to avoid.
Creating New Patterns of Connection
This is where the magic happens. Instead of ‘You never help around the house,’ you'll learn to express the vulnerability beneath: ‘I feel so overwhelmed and alone with everything.’
The relationship transforms when partners can share these deeper feelings and respond with compassion rather than defensiveness. The questions shift from ‘Who's right?’ to ‘How can we support each other?’
Strengthening Your Bond for Life’s Challenges
Once you’ve established this new way of connecting, we’ll ensure these changes stick. You’ll develop strategies to maintain your emotional connection even when life gets complicated—because it will.
The transformation isn’t magical—it results from committed work in a proven process.
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When Other Support Might Be Needed
While EFCT helps many couples, it’s important to note that some situations require different approaches. EFCT may not be appropriate if:
There’s active domestic violence or abuse—safety and respect must be present
One partner has already decided to leave the relationship—other forms of counselling would be more beneficial
Substance use disorders or severe mental health conditions are untreated—these will need to be addressed alongside or before couples work
Your Next Step To Deeper Connection
Remember that seeking help isn’t a sign that your relationship is broken beyond repair—it’s a sign of commitment and courage. Couples starting therapy sometimes feel hopeless after years of disconnection, yet discover that they can rebuild what once seemed lost with the right guidance. The skills you learn in EFCT heal your current relationship struggles and provide a foundation for deeper connections that can last a lifetime.
Couples Therapy in Bristol, UK and Online
Ready to take the next step to create a deeper connection? Contact me to schedule a consultation to discuss how Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy might help you and your partner find your way back to each other.
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References
Johnson, S. (2011). Hold Me Tight: Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships. Hachette UK.
Johnson, S. (2008) ‘Emotionally focused therapy for couples’, in A. Gurman (ed.) Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy. New York: Guilford Publications, pp. 107-137.
Johnson, S. M., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L., & Schindler, D. (1999). Emotionally focused couples therapy: Status and challenges. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6(1), 67–79. https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.6.1.67
Wiebe, S.A. and Johnson, S.M. (2016). A Review of the Research in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. Family Process, 55(3), pp.390–407. doi:https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12229