Online Couples Therapy for Attachment Issues and Emotional Intimacy

Many couples seek out therapy because closeness has started to feel complicated, strained, or unsafe. You may care deeply about your partner, while feeling emotionally distant, misunderstood, or stuck in a painful pursuer-withdrawer dynamic.

Couples therapy offers a supportive space to understand the attachment patterns and emotional dynamics shaping your relationship and to rebuild emotional intimacy in a way that feels steady, respectful, and real.

When closeness feels difficult

If you and your partner are experiencing issues with attachment and emotional intimacy, these situations may seem familiar:

• One of you longs for more closeness, reassurance, or emotional contact

• The other feels overwhelmed, pressured, or unsure how to respond

• Attempts to talk about feelings lead to defensiveness, withdrawal, or shutdown

• Emotional or physical intimacy feels strained, infrequent, or risky

• You feel lonely in the relationship, even though you still care deeply for one another

These dynamics are extremely common. They are not a sign that your relationship is broken, but rather that something significant is happening at the level of emotional safety and romantic attachment.

This is not a compatibility problem

Most couples assume that difficulties with intimacy mean they are mismatched, emotionally incompatible, or ‘too different’. In reality, these struggles are usually rooted in attachment patterns - learned ways of protecting ourselves in close relationships. Patterns that we learned in early attachment relationships get carried into adult romantic attachment dynamics.

Under stress or threat, our nervous systems move automatically. Some of us reach out for reassurance and closeness; others pull back to regulate overwhelm. Over time, these reactions can become rigid patterns that leave both partners feeling unseen, criticised, or alone.

In therapy, we work to understand these patterns with compassion, rather than blaming either partner. When the pattern becomes clear, change becomes possible.

Understanding attachment styles in relationships

Attachment styles describe how we learned to seek closeness, reassurance, and safety in early relationships, and how these patterns tend to manifest in adult intimacy. They are not fixed labels or diagnoses, but familiar emotional strategies that become more pronounced under stress.

You may recognise one or more of the following attachment styles:

• Anxious attachment - One or both partners experience a strong longing for closeness and reassurance, along with fears of abandonment or rejection. This can show up as heightened sensitivity to distance or perceived disconnection.

• Avoidant attachment - One or both partners tend to manage emotional overwhelm by withdrawing, minimising needs, or becoming more self-reliant. Closeness can feel risky or suffocating when stress is high.

• Anxious–avoidant or disorganised dynamics - Many couples find themselves caught in a cycle where one partner pursues connection while the other withdraws, leaving both feeling misunderstood and alone.

In therapy, we are less interested in assigning labels and more focused on understanding how these patterns play out between you and how they can change when emotional safety increases.

Why attachment dynamics are difficult to change without support

Many couples are thoughtful, reflective, and capable of insight, yet still find themselves stuck. Understanding the pattern intellectually is often not enough when emotions run high.

Emotional intimacy requires vulnerability, and vulnerability feels risky when past attempts to connect have led to hurt or disconnection. Therapy provides a contained relational space where emotions can be explored slowly and safely, with support to stay present rather than react or withdraw. Couples therapy is an experiential process where your attachment patterns and relational dynamics can change through guided exercises and supported emotional experiences.

How online couples therapy with me works

My work with couples is grounded in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) supported by humanistic and psychodynamic approaches. Together, these create a framework that is both emotionally deep and carefully structured.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT)

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is one of the most researched and effective approaches to couples therapy. It’s grounded in attachment theory and relational dynamics - how we seek closeness, safety, and reassurance in our most important relationships. In our work together, we will:

• Identify and soften anxious–avoidant interaction cycles

• Slow down emotional reactions as they happen between you

• Support clearer, safer expression of needs and vulnerabilities

• Create new experiences of emotional responsiveness and connection

EFCT meets or exceeds guidelines for classification as an evidence-based couple therapy, with consistent research showing clinically significant improvements in relationship satisfaction and reduced distress.

Humanistic and Person-Centred Foundation

Both partners are met with respect, empathy, and care. Therapy is not about taking sides or deciding who is right. It is a collaborative process that honours each person’s inner world and lived experience.

Psychodynamic Depth

We also explore how earlier relational experiences shape present-day reactions. This helps make sense of shame, emotional withdrawal, or fear of closeness, and supports change that is deeply integrated rather than surface-level.

What couples often notice over time

Every relationship is unique, but couples who engage consistently in this work often describe:

• Greater emotional openness and safety

• Less reactivity around closeness and distance

• Increased capacity to tolerate vulnerability

• Emotional intimacy that feels mutual rather than forced

• A stronger sense of being with one another

These shifts usually emerge gradually, as new patterns replace old ones through lived emotional experience.

Is this the right kind of couples therapy for you?

This work is particularly well-suited to couples who:

• Want to understand why they relate the way they do

• Value insight, reflection, and emotional honesty

• Are open to exploring emotions, not just behaviours

• Can commit to weekly therapy over several months

Structure, commitment, and fees

• Frequency: Weekly 80-minute sessions. This structure supports the depth, continuity, and emotional safety required when working with attachment and intimacy.

• Typical commitment: 3 to 6 months

• Fee: £240 per session. More information about my fees can be viewed here.

Online sessions take place online via secure video, allowing me to work with couples across the UK and internationally. Online therapy can be especially supportive for busy professionals or couples living in different locations, while still offering depth and relational presence.

If you are looking for a more focused and immediate approach to stabilise your relationship, I also offer 2-day couples intensives.

Your couples therapist

I’m Francesca, a qualified therapist with specialist training in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT). I work with couples experiencing emotional distance, communication issues and conflict, betrayal and infidelity, strong emotions, and difficulties with intimacy.

My approach is warm, calm, and relational. I aim to create a space where both partners feel safe enough to explore difficult emotions and supported in developing a deeper understanding of themselves and each other.

Common Questions About Couples Therapy

How long does couples therapy take?

Many couples benefit from 3 to 6 months of weekly sessions to achieve meaningful change, though some continue for longer to achieve deeper work.

What if my partner is reluctant to attend?

It’s common for one partner to be more hesitant initially. For couples therapy to be effective, both partners must commit to participating in the process and attending sessions.

Is our relationship too damaged for therapy to help?

If you both still care about each other and are willing to try, there is hope. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy has been proven to help couples recover from disconnection and years of painful patterns.

What happens in the first session?

We’ll explore your relationship history, current challenges, and what you’re each hoping for. I’ll begin to identify your conflict cycle and help both of you feel heard and understood from the start.

Online Couples Therapy for Attachment Issues and Emotional Intimacy

Book your consultation

If you and your partner are ready to explore your attachment patterns and rebuild emotional intimacy with care and depth, an initial consultation is the next step. The 20-minute consultation with each partner allows us to:

• Explore what’s happening in your relationship right now

• Understand your goals and concerns

• Assess whether my approach feels right for you

• Discuss how we might work together moving forward

Get the support you need to create a stronger bond with your partner.

References

Bretherton, I. (1992) ‘The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth’, Developmental Psychology, 28(5), pp. 759-775. doi: https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.28.5.759

Hazan, C. and Shaver, P. (1987) ‘Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process’, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), pp. 511-524. doi: https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511

Johnson, S.M., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L. and Schindler, D. (1999) ‘Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: Status and challenges’, Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6(1), pp. 67-79. doi: https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.6.1.67

Spengler, P.M., Lee, N.A. and Wittenborn, A.K. (2024) ‘A comprehensive meta-analysis on the efficacy of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy’, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 50(1), pp. 6-29. doi: https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12654

Wiebe, S.A. and Johnson, S.M. (2016) ‘A review of the research in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples’, Family Process, 55(3), pp. 390-407. doi: https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12229