Couples Therapy for Attachment Issues and Emotional Intimacy
Integrative and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) — UK & Online
Many couples seek out therapy because closeness has started to feel complicated, strained, or unsafe. You may care deeply about your partner, while feeling emotionally distant, misunderstood, or stuck in a painful pursuer-withdrawer dynamic.
Couples therapy offers a supportive space to understand the attachment patterns and emotional dynamics shaping your relationship and to rebuild emotional intimacy in a way that feels steady, respectful, and real.
When closeness feels difficult
If you and your partner are experiencing issues with attachment and emotional intimacy, these situations may seem familiar:
One of you longs for more closeness, reassurance, or emotional contact
The other feels overwhelmed, pressured, or unsure how to respond
Attempts to talk about feelings lead to defensiveness, withdrawal, or shutdown
Emotional or physical intimacy feels strained, infrequent, or risky
You feel lonely in the relationship, even though you still care deeply for one another
These dynamics are extremely common. They are not a sign that your relationship is broken, but rather that something significant is happening at the level of emotional safety and romantic attachment.
Is it just a compatibility problem?
Most couples assume that difficulties with intimacy mean they are mismatched, emotionally incompatible, or ‘too different’. In reality, these struggles are not compatibility problems. They are often rooted in attachment patterns - learned ways of protecting ourselves in close relationships. Patterns that we learned in early attachment relationships get carried into adult romantic attachment dynamics.
Under stress or threat, our nervous systems move automatically. Some of us reach out for reassurance and closeness; others pull back to regulate overwhelm. Over time, these reactions can become rigid patterns that leave both partners feeling unseen, criticised, or alone.
In therapy, we work to understand these patterns with compassion, rather than blaming either partner. When the pattern becomes clear, change becomes possible.
Understanding attachment styles in relationships
Attachment styles describe how we learned to seek closeness, reassurance, and safety in early relationships, and how these patterns tend to manifest in adult intimacy. They are not fixed labels or diagnoses, but familiar emotional strategies that become more pronounced under stress.
You may recognise one or more of the following attachment styles:
Anxious attachment - One or both partners experience a strong longing for closeness and reassurance, along with fears of abandonment or rejection. This can show up as heightened sensitivity to distance or perceived disconnection.
Avoidant attachment - One or both partners tend to manage emotional overwhelm by withdrawing, minimising needs, or becoming more self-reliant. Closeness can feel risky or suffocating when stress is high.
Anxious–avoidant or disorganised dynamics - Many couples find themselves caught in a cycle where one partner pursues connection while the other withdraws, leaving both feeling misunderstood and alone.
In therapy, we are less interested in assigning labels and more focused on understanding how these patterns play out between you and how they can change when emotional safety increases.
Why attachment dynamics are difficult to change without support
Emotional intimacy requires vulnerability, and vulnerability feels risky when past attempts to connect have led to hurt or disconnection. Therapy provides a contained relational space where emotions can be explored slowly and safely, with support to stay present rather than react or withdraw. Couples therapy is an experiential process where your attachment patterns and relational dynamics can change through guided exercises and supported emotional experiences.
Many couples are thoughtful, reflective, and capable of insight, yet still find themselves stuck. Understanding the pattern intellectually is often not enough when emotions run high.
How couples therapy for emotional intimacy works
I offer an integrative approach to couples therapy that provides both emotional depth and an evidence-based structure to rebuild your bond.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT)
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) is one of the most researched and effective approaches to couples therapy. It’s grounded in attachment theory and relational dynamics - how we seek closeness, safety, and reassurance in our most important relationships. In our work together, we will:
Identify and soften anxious–avoidant interaction cycles
Slow down emotional reactions as they happen between you
Support clearer, safer expression of needs and vulnerabilities
Create new experiences of emotional responsiveness and connection
Psychodynamic Therapy
Psychodynamic therapy explores the deeper emotional patterns and unconscious processes that influence how you think, feel, and relate to others. In this process, we will:
We also examine how prior relational experiences shape current responses
Make sense of shame, emotional withdrawal, or fear of closeness
Support deeply integrated transformation rather than surface-level change
Both EFCT and psychodynamic therapy for couples are evidence-based approaches, with research demonstrating significant long-term improvements in relationship satisfaction and relationship quality.
What couples often notice over time
Every relationship is unique, but couples who engage consistently in this work often describe:
Greater emotional openness and safety
Less reactivity around closeness and distance
Increased capacity to tolerate vulnerability
Emotional intimacy that feels mutual rather than forced
A stronger sense of being with one another
These shifts usually emerge gradually, as new patterns replace old ones through lived emotional experience.
Is this the right kind of couples therapy for you?
This work is particularly well-suited to couples who:
Want to understand why they relate the way they do
Are willing to consider attachment needs and fears
Value insight, reflection, and emotional honesty
Are open to exploring emotions, not just behaviours
Couples therapy is not appropriate when there is:
Ongoing infidelity
An untreated mental health issue or addiction
Active or recent domestic abuse or intimate partner violence
A separation already underway or finalised
Formats
Ongoing Online Couples Therapy
I offer weekly online couples therapy via secure video connection. Working online allows for consistency and supports the continuity required for sustained relational work. Most couples engage in weekly sessions over approximately 3 to 6 months, with some continuing longer where patterns are more complex.
In-Person Couples Therapy Intensives
For couples seeking focused, immersive work, I also offer 2-day in-person couples intensives in Bristol and selected UK locations. Intensives provide extended time to clarify relational dynamics, interrupt entrenched cycles, and establish greater stability.
About your couples therapist
I’m Francesca Sciandra, a qualified couples therapist and integrative counsellor with specialist training in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT). I work with couples to reveal the attachment fears beneath reactivity and rebuild trust and emotional closeness.
I commonly work with couples experiencing:
Infidelity, betrayal, and attachment injuries
Recurring conflict and communication breakdowns
Intense relational emotions such as anger, jealousy, fear, loneliness, or shutdown
Emotional distance and attachment-based disconnection
My work is grounded in a clear therapeutic frame that supports sustained, careful engagement with relational patterns over time.
Couples Therapy for Attachment Issues and Emotional Intimacy
If you and your partner are ready to explore your attachment patterns and rebuild emotional intimacy with care and depth, an initial consultation is the next step.
Consultations are 20-minute conversations held separately with each partner and offer space to:
Clarify what you are seeking support with
Assess whether this approach is appropriate for your situation
Discuss how the work might be structured moving forward
References
Bretherton, I. (1992) ‘The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth’, Developmental Psychology, 28(5), pp. 759-775. doi: https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.28.5.759
Hazan, C. and Shaver, P. (1987) ‘Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process’, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), pp. 511-524. doi: https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511
Hewison, D., Casey, P. and Mwamba, N. (2016). The effectiveness of couple therapy: Clinical outcomes in a naturalistic United Kingdom setting. Psychotherapy, 53(4), pp.377–387. doi:https://doi.org/10.1037/pst0000098
Johnson, S.M., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L. and Schindler, D. (1999) ‘Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: Status and challenges’, Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6(1), pp. 67-79. doi: https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.6.1.67
Spengler, P.M., Lee, N.A. and Wittenborn, A.K. (2024) ‘A comprehensive meta-analysis on the efficacy of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy’, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 50(1), pp. 6-29. doi: https://doi.org/10.1037/cfp0000233
Wiebe, S.A. and Johnson, S.M. (2016) ‘A review of the research in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples’, Family Process, 55(3), pp. 390-407. doi: https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12229