Managing Uncertainty With a 4-Step Self-Compassion Practice
Image by Ayodeji Alabi
A mindfulness practice for coping with sadness, overwhelm, and challenging emotions
‘Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. When there's a big disappointment, we don't know if that's the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don't know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don't know.’
― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
When we let our feelings live in the shadows, we deny our emotions the expression they seek, potentially delaying our healing.
Alternatively, when we allow feelings to build into a pattern of rumination, we risk getting caught in overwhelm.
When uncomfortable feelings appear, we may try to avoid them or we may let them overtake us.
There is another way: one allows us to be with our emotions while practising self-compassion.
R.A.I.N. is a four-step insight meditation practice that helps us cope with challenging emotions, including sadness, overwhelm, and fear. It guides us through a mindful approach to feeling our feelings without hiding or getting stuck in rumination.
It can be practised whenever you need support for difficult thoughts, emotions, and feelings.
R.A.I.N. — a four-step mindfulness practice
Recognise: Label what you are experiencing. Give it a name. Begin by noticing the feelings, including any physical sensations in your body.
Allow: Invite your experience in. Greet whatever you have labelled with a gentle acceptance. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel a range of feelings.
Investigate with curiosity: Give yourself space to experience the emotions, noticing the intensity. Does the emotion change as you notice it? Consider taking time to do a short body scan, either guided or on your own. Bring your attention from the top of your body down to your toes, noticing if there are feelings that are stronger in parts of your body. There’s no need to figure things out; this is a time to ask questions and wonder. Ask yourself, what might this emotion be telling me?
Nurture with kindness: Bringing compassion to the present moment is essential to this practice. If you have the space and time, find a place to sit or recline in a quiet space and take a few deep breaths to relax your body. Close your eyes and place your hands over your heart. Imagine a glowing source of light radiating around and through your body. Let that light give you comfort. Bring some kind wishes to yourself, including reminding yourself that feeling a whole range of emotions is okay.
Many of my clients have found relief through the practice of RAIN. They tell me it helps them expand their capacity to be with their emotions and also helps to deal with the intensity of difficult feelings.
Lastly, I’ll leave you with one of my favourite quotes by the British writer:
‘There is a contradiction in wanting to be perfectly secure in a universe whose very nature is momentariness and fluidity.’
— Alan Watts
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